Musings of the Morning

Against my emotional center's pleas, I stepped on the mat to practice.

There were no big revelations and no real 'letting go'...of anything.

My mind gripped the thoughts of her. The words exchanged in our most recent arguments streaming through my mind, a consistent live feed. The longing for her consuming all parts of me capable of distraction.

I have so much on the horizon for me right now and though I have yet to give an adequate introduction to this blog, I think it's becoming more clear that it's just my life...wherever I am at the moment, whatever I'm feeling at the time and whatever I think about the hand I'm holding.

Where I am right now is about to start grad school - Florida State University's Masters in Social Work program, a weekend program for the working professional. I have two children and a wonderful job serving victims of sexual assault.

Blah-dee, blah-dee, blah.

I am also in a relationship that is hanging in the balance...funny because it's where we've spent a great deal of our time together - hanging in the balance.

So sad because we love each other. We really do.

But I fear that the 'thing' that brings us to this point so frequently is the 'thing' we should pay attention to and attend to. Unfortunately, I fear this 'thing' will surely mean the end of us.

How can I love her, need her, long for her, bask in her, enjoy her, adore her...and find myself here?

This is not easy - relationships, when you really pay attention and invest yourself, are some of our most complex work.