To marry my soul...

You must marry your soul.
That wedding is the way.
~Rumi

Since my break-up, my life seems to have completely exploded in a remarkably beautiful way! Unfolding with possibility, newness, beauty, chances, risks - I have leaped beyond that which I thought I was capable, I have created and deepened bonds of friendships and blossomed as a person. I have been living my life like it's golden...nod to Jill Scott.

Today, I went surfing for the first time in my life. I am courting and being courted by a pretty terrific lady right now. She surfs and for her, it's soulfood, much like my yoga is for me. Since my 35th birthday, I have committed myself to living fuller, living large and outside the lines because I'm SO aware of this being my only shot and I have a desire to do it right...with brilliance. For me, that has meant my FIRST tattoo and another since - both marking where I have been while also speaking to where I'm going. I have taken up several hobbies that lend themselves to healthy and health-full living. I have committed to facing fear and walking through it however it manifests in my life or experiences.

So today - in the water of the ocean, I faced a fear. The depths of water that I cannot see into has always frightened me but I paddled out, far past the place in the water where my feet could touch the sandfloor beneath me and I dared its best.

I laid belly-down on the board and took my first wave that way...all the way in. Second wave, I was thrown from the board and received a nice blow to the shoulder and the head as the board swung around from the force of the water. The next time I was up on the board, I was caught off guard by a wave and thrust under the water - the incredible force was like nothing I had ever experienced and it caused an intense rush of adrenaline. The water was entering my mouth and coming out of my nose and vice versa. The power of the waves crushing down on top of me had pulled my swimsuit from my shoulder exposing my breast and still I fought to surface.

Once I surfaced and retrieved the board that had been carried away from me, I laid my upper body over it and rested on my cheek...the buzz in me was humming and my heart was full.

I was A L I V E...

and I couldn't wait to do it again, having gained a little insight into what NOT to do.

I want to live the way I surfed today - with courage in the face of danger, grace in the face of blows and determination in the face of resistance.

I want to marry my soul for I can trust its wisdom and the path to which we are set to walk.

Happy Mother's Day

I was leaving dinner with my family this evening and felt such contentment - contentment I have not felt in such a long time. The fog has lifted from her - all the residual, emotional muck left behind in her wake. The contrast between life with her and life without her is telling and informs how I want to go forward in this world...for this life.

Distance can make the heart grow fonder for sure but distance can also make the heart grow up, heal, want for more - long for better. This is what our distance has done for me - I have grown up, healed, seen more and cultivated better. As a matter of fact, my orbit is like an exclusive club anymore...ID check at the door: "Are you better?", "Yes.", "Then welcome, c'mon in..." But if "no" - "Sorry - we have rules here. You'll have to find another place to land."

Back to my original story - as I walked out of the restaurant, I was holding my niece and as we walked to the car, we were taking in the sky and the trees...and I saw them.

For the first time in about a year - I saw it all.

I was relieved to see again - to sit in the moment, still and free of the need to change a thing. And it occurred to me that not only was I seeing the trees and the sky - I had seen the faces of my family members, I had appreciated them, I had laughed with them and held sacredly the moments of laughter and love we shared as we all sat around the table having dinner and catching up.

Happy Mother's Day - I am free. There is a different sort of birthing going on...